The process of freezing embryos was not only an escape from the ticking biological clock, but from the pressure of romantic entanglements
It’s been over a year since I froze eight embryos: my eggs plus donor sperm. As Mother’s Day approached, I called to check up on them.
When I decided to freeze my genetic material, I hoped it would reduce my anxiety about aging and fertility, and thankfully it has. What I didn’t anticipate was how it would affect my attitude about romantic love.For most people, pairing off and having kids are linked. First comes love, and/or marriage. Then comes the baby in the baby carriage. For a long time, this was how I thought about love as well.
Between then and now, a lot of things have delayed my path to parenthood. I had a cancer scare, followed by a second major surgery. I got a new job and moved to a new city. I went on book tour. There’s been a lot to stress about, but one thing I haven’t worried over is finding a man. For single straight women especially, extended fertility and extended romantic possibility are expected to go hand in hand — and often they do. This is a big part of why it’s so unusual for single women to freeze their embryos, and why it is common for doctors to discourage them from doing so.
“Freezing my eggs helped me to get to where I am now,” Mary says. “Otherwise I might not have told [my now-husband] that early on in our relationship how serious I was about having a child, and even if I had told him he might not have believed me. But injecting myself in front of him did the communicating for me. There wasn’t any ambiguity about it.”
Mary’s and Jackie’s stories are somewhat unusual – most of us aren’t going to meet a new partner at the perfect moment to cheer us on during our egg-freezing injections! Still, even in less cinematic situations, the “emotional snooze button” of egg-freezing can open up romantic possibilities for women that might otherwise be foreclosed.
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