Parents can move beyond using rewards and punishments to motivate good behaviour by following the Collaborative and Proactive Solutions framework.
Your child stays out past curfew, so you take away their video game console. Your child talks back to you, so you put them in time out. Your child behaves well at the party, so they get to pick out some candy at the store. Do these situations sound familiar to you?
Using rewards and punishments is based in the belief that “kids do well if they want to”. If we can just provide them with the right motivation, they will behave appropriately. The problem with this assumption is that, in most cases, your child truly does want to meet your expectations, but they cannot find a way to do so. And in those circumstances, no amount of reward or punishment will make it easier for them.
Under this stance, even the most difficult behaviours are simply a form of communication. Specifically, an indication that your child needs support in figuring out how to meet your expectations.
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